When you are trapped in grief, it can be difficult to move forward in any way, shape or form. When you have children it can be even more challenging, as you don’t really have a choice but to find a way forward, if not for you then for them. This makes things all the more challenging as you are trying to deal with your feelings, their feelings, and trying to be present for them when you just want to curl up in your bed. We know that you feel like there is no moving forward, but there is, and that’s what we’re going to be taking a look at in this article. Down below, we’re going to be looking at how you can move forward as a parent trapped in grief, so keep reading if you would like to find out more about this.
Acknowledge How You Feel
First, one of the most important things that you are going to need to do is acknowledge how you are feeling. Too many people try to push their pain to the back of their mind and ignore it, but this is only going to make it worse. We know that the pain is tough to handle, and we know that acknowledging it and giving it the power over you might feel like the worst thing that you can do, but it’s not. If you don’t feel it when you need to, and you don’t acknowledge that this is how you are feeling, this is going to cause you more problems than anything else. It’s all going to bottle up behind the scenes, and one day you are going to explode.
Acknowledging your feelings might be tough, but suppressing them is going to be even worse. At least if you deal with them as they come, they are not going to be as overwhelming as it would be if you end up feeling weeks worth of repressed feelings all at once.
Understand That Not Everyone Grieves The Same Way
One thing that you have got to understand is that not everyone is going to grieve in the same way. Some people throw themselves into any job that they can get their hands on, other people just want to be left alone, some people want to be around others who are sharing in their grief, etc. It’s not always obvious that someone is struggling or grieving depending on how they are presenting themselves, but make no mistake, this does not mean that they are not feeling the hurt.
You do not have to grieve in the same way that someone else does, and you should not expect them to grieve the same way that you do. We all process differently, we all work on our own time schedules rather than anyone else’s. You should not look at someone else’s grief journey and compare it to yours, because it’s not a competition.
Try To Remember The Good Times
Often when we lose someone close to us we get so consumed in the negative feelings of loss and despair that we forget to sit down and remember the good times that we had with that person. Sometimes this can be difficult because you are accepting the fact that you are not going to have these good times again, but that doesn’t take away from the wonderful times that you had. It’s important that you keep these memories alive as much as you can, talking about the person with the others who knew them, and taking the time to remember the joy that they brought into your life.
We know it’s a cliche thing to say, but they wouldn’t want you to be stuck in a constant state of sadness, impacting your life and your kids. It’s hard, but there is a way through, and holding on to the good times that you had together is one of the best ways to do this.
Be Involved In The Funeral Planning
It might help if you are involved in the funeral planning if it was someone that you were especially close to. You can look at cemetery grave markers in bronze to make sure that it’s a pretty sight, you can ensure that you are carrying out the plans to the best of your ability, thinking about what they would have wanted along the way. A lot of people often forget that the funeral is for the living and not for the dead. It’s done so that you get a chance to say goodbye and get the closure that you need. The more that you are involved in the planning, the more that you will be able to come to terms with the fact that the person is gone, and while it might sound a little morbid, it’s helpful.
If this is too much for you then that is completely understandable, but it’s worth giving it a try. At least this way you know that you are going to be carrying out the plans in honor of the person who is no longer with you, rather than whoever thinks they know best.
Remember Who Needs You
When you are a parent, you do not get the luxury of completely shutting down because you have got to remember who needs you. Your kid or kids need you to be there and to be present, and while it’s extremely difficult, you have got to find a way. Nobody is saying that it’s going to be easy, but the best thing that you can do is let your kids know that you are struggling at the moment and that you are doing your best. If they are a little older then they will understand this, helping you in whatever way they can. If they are younger, then they will be able to pick up on your mood anyway and will likely try to offer you comfort by way of giving you cuddles all of the time.
Your kids need you to be there for them, and while it might feel like the hardest thing in the world to do, it also serves as an anchor of sorts. You will get through it because you have to, and when your kids are the reason, you will be able to achieve anything.
Let Yourself Feel Sad For A While
It’s okay to feel sad, and it’s okay to say that you are sad. A lot of people think that being sad and showing your sadness is a sign of weakness, but this is not true at all. If anything, being able to say that you are not feeling good right now and that you need a little bit of help, or some time away is extremely strong. It’s extremely vulnerable to be able to put your emotions out there like that, and we are incredibly proud of anyone who is able to say that this is what they are doing.
Of course, you are only going to be able to do this in an environment that you feel safe in. If you don’t, then you are not going to be able to let your guard down. This will help you to ascertain whether or not you are in an environment that is beneficial to you, or not.
Speak To A Specialist
Last but not least, if you are really struggling to find your way out of grief, or you are struggling to deal with it to the point that it is impacting your life and the life of your children, then you might want to speak to a specialist. There are people who are especially trained to help people who are suffering with grief get through and find the light on the other side, or at the very least to manage how they are feeling.
There is no simple, straight forward, or easy way to get through grief. It’s messy, it’s painful, and it’s going to take some time to navigate your way through, but you will get there. A specialist can really help you to unlock how you are feeling, even giving you some ideas as to techniques that may help you get there. Don’t ever feel ashamed or embarrassed about getting help, because if more people did, we would have far less depressed people struggling through life.
We hope that you have found this article helpful, and now see some of the things that you should do to move forward if you are a parent who is trapped in grief. We know that it’s tough, and we know that it’s not easy to find the light when it feels as though all the light has been taken from the world, but we promise that there is a way forward. Try the things that we have talked about in this article, and see what works for you. Don’t try to rush the process, as this is only going to cause you more problems. We wish you the very best of luck, and hope that you manage to find your way.