What is your goal for your kids? We all have one. Some people want their children to grow up to become doctors. Others would like their kids to grow up and be star athletes. But most of all, the thing that you should always want over anything else when it comes to your children is for them to be happy. You don’t want to be the person who tells their kids that there are more important things than happiness, because there really isn’t. In this article, we’re going to be taking a look at how you can help your kids to grow into mature and confident adults, so keep reading down below if you would like to find out more.
Talk To Them
First, you need to talk to them. You need to talk to them when things go wrong, when things go right, when they are feeling sad, when they are feeling happy and so on. Really, you just need to make sure that you have an open dialogue between you two. Nobody keeps any secrets, except the ones that you have to because you are an adult. Don’t keep secrets from them if it is not necessary though. For example, you don’t share your financial situation with your children, but you can give them vague answers that are the truth without any detail.
Make sure that they know that they can talk to you about anything. You need to ensure that your child feels comfortable enough to come to you when they need you. They need to know that you are there for them, supporting them rather than getting mad at them. This is a large part of the problem. Kids are worried their parents are going to be mad. It’s okay to be mad when they have done something wrong, and it’s okay to tell them that. But, you don’t need to be harsh and horrible to them at the same time.
Give Them Chores
In order to teach them responsibilities and ensure that they are going to be just fine when they live on their own, you should give them chores. When they are small, just small things like putting their plate in the dishwasher or the sink, tidying up their toys and so on. As they get a little older, they can have a little more responsibility. Wash the plate instead of putting it in the sink. Make sure that their room is clean, and small things like this.
As they grow, you can add more complicated things into the mix. For example, make it their job to do one load of laundry per week. It’s nothing excessive, but they start to understand how to do this, and then they won’t struggle when they move out. Get them to take the trash out once per week as well. We’re not saying that you have to overload them with jobs, but make sure they know what they are doing for the future.
You should also get them to come and do some DIY work with you when the time comes. For example, if something needs fixing, let them help and watch so that if the same problem arises later, they know how to handle it. Or, teach them when they need to call in a professional for a job like a roof replacement.
You should always believe in your kids, even if you don’t actively agree with the choices they have made. Some parents go far too far and refuse to acknowledge some of the choices that their children make. For example, if they think that school is the most important thing but their child decides to join a sports team, some parents refuse to go to any of the games. Do you understand how damaging this can be to a child or a teen? They have made the choice to do something that makes them happy, and they have been torn down because of it.
You should always encourage your children to do the things that make them happy. You should always be there, cheering for them and offering encouragement even if you don’t fully understand what is happening. This will help to raise a confident generation of adults, who know to believe in themself because of the belief that you had in them.
Let Them Make Mistakes
It’s not going to be possible for you to protect them from all the bad things in life, all the time. You have got to let your children make their own mistakes so that they can learn from them. When your child is learning to walk, it’s extremely tempting to just hold on to them so that they don’t fall, but you can’t keep doing this, can you? No. Eventually, you have got to be brave and let them go. They will fall, but they will learn and they will get back up again. You can support them, help them up and then they’ll be off again. As long as they are learning from their mistakes, you are doing your job just fine. Make sure that you are there to help them when they realize they have made mistakes though, as they are going to need you.
Guide Them Where You Can
As parents, we are always going to want to guide our children. Push them towards the path that you think is right without being overbearing. For example, school is important so they need to go and they need to try hard. Sometimes you get the kids that don’t want to try because they don’t like school. If this sounds like your kid, then you need to try to gently guide them into a place where they see that it is worth the effort. At the very least you want them to graduate high school, even if they don’t go on to college. Without a high school diploma, things are going to be hard for them on the job market, so make sure that they know that.
It might mean sitting down with them for an hour per night while they do their homework and you get some work done. Or you can help if they need it. There are always options.
Always Be There For Them
No matter what they do or say, you are their parent and you need to always be there for them. When things come tumbling down, be there for them. When they are a hormonal teenager who seems to hate the world and you, be there for them. They don’t actually hate you, they just don’t know how to deal with all the things that they are feeling. You do, you have been there, and you probably did the same or similar to your parents. If your parents weren’t that great and weren’t there for you, be better now. Do for your children what you wish your parents would have done for you and be there no matter what.
Sometimes, kids and teens end up pushing people away for no reason other than to see how far they can push. Show them that you are unshakable in your love for them and that you are not going anywhere.
Stop Shaming Behavior
A huge problem among parents is shaming behavior of their children. Stop comparing your children to others. Stop shaming them for doing something wrong and start finding other ways to handle the situation. For example, instead of saying ‘why can’t you sit still and watch the movie like your brother’, you could try ‘if you’re not enjoying this movie, you can go and paint in your room or something else’. This gives them the option to do something other than what they are doing, without being compared or shamed.
If you are constantly comparing your children, and asking one why they can’t be like the other, you are going to breed a home of resentment. You are going to cause problems between siblings, and you and your kids. Instead of allowing this to happen, try to think about something helpful and productive to say rather than shaming your children. Don’t assume they are being naughty or bad on purpose, and don’t assume that this is what this behaviour is. You wouldn’t want to sit still inside and watch a movie if you didn’t like the movie, or there was something else you would prefer to do. You shouldn’t make your kids do this either.
Of course, it is your place to discipline them when they are doing things wrong, but you can do this without degrading them.
We hope that you have found this article helpful, and now see some of the things that you should be doing throughout their lifetime to help your kids grow into mature and confident adults. We have too many people in the world right now who were inadvertently torn down by their parents growing up or suppressed in some way. We don’t want our children of the future to be like this. We want happy, healthy adults rather than depressed ones. That starts with us, and our choices as parents. We wish you the very best of luck, and hope that this advice helps!